Choices

im confused but i just wont face it. About four months ago, i was excited at the thought of being hired by global satria and looking forward to leave the country for work. but just these past few months, im having second thoughts, and actually considering the option of taking masters degree, instead.

i prayed to God for signs whether i should proceed with the employment abroad or stay here. it's either He still hasnt given the sign or i was just too blind to see it. when the results of the job interview came, i was told that i was on the second priority list and will be hired only if one of those in the first priority list would not accept the job offer. was that God's way of saying NO? but exactly a week later, i received an email from the employer that i got in because someone from the first priority list did not take the offer. could i take that as a YES from Him?

another thing that's giving me second thoughts of leaving is homesickness. ill be away for a year. surely, ill miss my family, the twins, and all my loved ones. what if i couldnt go through the lonely times? what if id go crazy and would swim across the ocean just to get home if i would not be permitted to?what if ill have a change of heart? what if i cant adjust to the new work environment?...what if, what if, what if...there are many what ifs that crosses my mind when i think about relocating...

i still have plenty of time, though, to really think hard about it..thank God, my employer hasnt yet given me the go signal to resign from my present job...

one more reason why i am confused is because some of my close relatives are not amenable to my decision. they would say that i should just stick to my present job, which is in a government office, because it is more stable that private companies..."true, but i would like to try a new career--one that is really related to my course," i told them but their minds seem to be closed to the idea.

talking about the government office which ive been working with for more than 3 years now, the work experience has been great, my officemates are like family, my job is quite easy, though sometimes im overloaded with work, and most importantly, its close to home. i think the factor why i opted to look for greener pasture is about the talks on rationalizing the government in a way that there will be cutting down of employees, which i fear ill be included, being a contractual and not a regular employee. its my future that im just considering. but now, since that fear of being unemployed has already been replaced with hope and optimism due to latest developments of our departmnent, the choice of staying seems to outweigh the choice of leaving...

i have already taken the admission exam for graduate studies in a local college. enrollment will be in a few weeks. on the other hand, im processing my passport tomorrow, just in case....